


Later

by Avidfangirlforlife



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: But ultimately fluff, F/F, idk what this is, some angst i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 00:26:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11024733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avidfangirlforlife/pseuds/Avidfangirlforlife
Summary: I shan't lie, I don't really know what this is. Osgood realises that she is, in fact, in love with her boss and close friend, Kate Stewart. She decides that it is very much unrequited, and so goes about her business as usual after accepting her feelings. Only to notice a change in Kate which, after a complete misunderstanding, leads to a whole array of events.





	Later

You're not sure when it began, or whether it was always a thing. In her presence, you've noticed, your cheeks have a tendency to flame red, a blush so bright that (if you weren't a scientist, and therefore didn't know it was an impossibility) you'd put money on its' ability to blind a person. It starts as a blotchy pink, at the bottom of your neck (hidden wonderfully well by a high collar and a bow tie), whenever she talks to you. And it works its' way up gradually. By the time the flush has crept up over your jaw, up into your cheeks, you turn a beet red colour. If you were an ostrich, you'd bury your face in the sand as soon as you reached botching levels.

The fact that it happens whenever she so much as looks at you, to varying degrees, is something that mortified you, right down to the very depths of your soul. After all, you are a full grown woman, not a simpering schoolgirl, admiring your crush from afar. As if that wasn't already bad enough, the fact that she is your boss makes it so much worse. Not only are you her subordinate, and her somewhat trusted friend (a process that had taken much time, and then further time for you to wrap your head around) but she is Kate.

It's highly unprofessional of you, to the utmost degree. Workplace crushes and romances are highly frowned upon in UNIT, due to the fact that it can be extremely compromising, and look at what you have gone and done. Looked through the rule book, memorised it, and disregarded it completely. A crush on Kate would have been bad enough, because that alone would have been stupidity to the highest order. But that fact that you have allowed yourself to fall in love with your boss, and your extremely heterosexual boss, at that, is beyond every conceivable realm of stupidity you had ever considered it was possible to exist.

The fact that you can't so much as talk to her without feeling your lungs contracting is ridiculous. And highly compromising. The fact that you can't concentrate when she is stood close is even worse. Close proximity to your boss should not be distracting to the highest degree, especially when said boss is your closest friend, especially not when science and aliens are involved. The fact that you are mesmerised by the smell of her perfume is absurd. You should be indifferent to the perfume Kate wears, or complimentary about it at most. You should not think about leaning in close and being surrounded and encompassed by the smell of it. 

Whenever she is near, you should not find yourself daydreaming about her. Whether you indulge in sordid fantasies or blissful daydreams of domesticity, doesn't make it any better. The truth of the matter is, she simply shouldn't cross your mind in that way. And, if she does, she certainly shouldn't linger for hours on end. Because she is your boss, and your friend, and you honestly don't know how you could let yourself be so stupid. 

Foolish, foolish Osgood and her penchant for wanting those that she can never have. You scold yourself on a daily basis, you try to drive her from your head. It never quite seems to work though, because she always reenters your thoughts. Normally sooner rather than later. Which is rather pathetic, you think, even for you. 

Something always draws you back into her. Maybe it's just the safety in always wanting a person you know you can never have. Maybe it's in the obliviousness that is Kate, all encompassing. Because she honestly has no idea, and that is something you find yourself eternally grateful for. Possibly, it's in the close proximity of the two of you, always the last to leave the office and continually working side by side. Quite probably, it is just because she is Kate and you are you. 

The first time you'd noticed it, or anything disconcerting for that matter, was the first time you found yourself flushing in her presence. It had been a long day, and yet another crisis had been averted. Most of your day had been rather less than glamorous, spent in the bottom of a crater somewhere in South Wales, getting mucky and trying to determine what the cause of the spontaneous explosion had been.

The locals had been fobbed off, with tales of water pressure and the bursting of old pipelines. Even the most curious had wandered off eventually, but that had been before the UNIT teams had arrived. So, after nearly thirteen hours of crawling around in the dirt, you'd found yourself exhausted but triumphant. Because you had determined the cause of the explosion (not at all alien, but it was always better to be safe than sorry) and you'd been explaining it to Kate as you left the site. She's been looking at you, thoroughly interested in everything you had to say (even though you knew you were going into far too much detail and using far too many hand gestures) and something had made you pause.

You had felt your skin heating, and could see from your reflection in the dark tint of the windows that your face had turned almost fire engine red. If it had been something Kate had noticed, she hadn't said anything at all. Hadn't remarked upon it, the look upon her face hadn't changed. Which was one of the wonderful things about Kate, because she would never do anything to make someone she cared about intentionally uncomfortable.

And, to go along with the rather impressive shade of your face, you had noticed other reactions. Your palms, although bone dry, had begun to itch. Your throat, although it had been fine only moments before, had dried considerably (to such a point that you were convinced that if you tried to talk, the most you would be able to achieve was a croak). Your heart, although already beating slightly faster due to your excitement, had sped up considerably. Hammering away at the inside of your chest as though it wished to escape the prison of your rib cage.

From there, when it had happened again and again and again, you had found yourself trying to create a sound hypothesis. Every part of you had strained to come to a logical conclusion as to why your body reacted in such a way to Kate. And then, one day, after months of research and inconclusive results, you had stumbled upon your answer.

One day, Kate had looked at you in a different way from ever before. Although you had been unable to place your finger upon what exactly that look had meant, it had resonated with something deep within you. Something you hadn't even realised existed. Whatever it was, it had set you longing after Kate with your entire being. Every last part of you wanted her, in that moment, and it had hit you. Almost out of nowhere. You were in love with her.

Your boss, your superior, your friend. You loved her. And, if your previous reactions were anything to go by, you had loved her for quite a while. Which could, perhaps, be viewed as a tiny bit of an understatement, given how long you had been having similar reactions to Kate. Not to mention, that for an unnameable amount of time, you had been slightly oblivious to your feelings for her. 

For a moment, you had found yourself blind sided. Unable to believe your absolute stupidity, cursing yourself for being so foolish, for having such a ridiculous inclination. Falling in love with your boss was certainly not part of the plan, had never been part of the plan. And you, as an Osgood, were supposed to stick to the plan. To follow what was written so clearly in black and white, steer your life in the way it was supposed to go.

Then, after a moment of kicking yourself for it (something which you resolutely refused to acknowledge continued in the back of your head, hidden away in a file you rarely allowed yourself access to), you reminded yourself that you had never really stuck to the plan at all. For a start, if you had followed the plan your mother had always set out for you, you would be married with a handsome but serious husband with 2.4 children and a dog named Rover. You certainly wouldn't be in your thirties, working for a top secret scientific branch off of the government, and you certainly wouldn't be gay.

You'd always made a point of not sticking to the plan, unless science was involved (even then, spontaneity could come in useful), so it couldn't really be all that surprising that you had fallen in love with your boss. Especially given the close nature of your friendship and the safety of it being an unrequited romance. Unrequited you could do, because you could deal with it quietly and on your terms. It didn't have to be messy, nobody else had to get hurt, no one else ever even had to find out.  
Eventually, although it takes you a while, you come to accept the way you feel about her. You resolve to enjoy the feeling, even if you will not bask in it, because to love someone is a wonderful feeling, whether it will ever be returned or not. You find that, as you come to accept your feelings, being around Kate becomes easier once again. Somehow, you learn to get your blush under control. Your lungs no longer rebel every time you talk to her. You find that you don't even stutter or fidget around her as much as you usually would. And there is something rather freeing in it.

As you find yourself becoming more relaxed in yourself around Kate, you find that you begin to notice changes in her. Most days, there is something almost dejected about your friend, which is decidedly unlike her by nature. Normally, she is fierce and stubborn and strong and kind. You could almost describe the air that hangs around her as sad. Which is, most definitely, a new development. And you would know, because you've found yourself becoming attuned to her every change in expression.

You find that you've never seen her like this before, not once in all of the years that you've known her (a more than fair amount of them, to say the least). It's not the same sort of sadness that took over her when the Brigadier died. When she was grieving, she had held herself together, standing strong and not bowing beneath the weight of it. And it isn't that you think she's bowing beneath the weight of this newfound sadness, it's just that she seems very... affected.

You can't quite seem to guess at what is bothering her either, because nothing is very obviously different. The two of you are close friends, you go out to dinner at least once a week, and at such events there is a strict no work talk rule. So as far as you can gather, there is nothing hugely altered in her home life. You find yourself racking your brain, trying your utmost to discover what could be wrong with your friend. Because nothing obvious has changed. Nothing earth shattering or ground breaking, nothing to suggest that her world has been turned upon its axis.

Which means, you find yourself thinking, that it must be something much more subtle than that. Problem is, you can't quite work out what it is, because subtleties are much harder to spot than large differences. And it bothers the scientist in you that it is taking you so long to figure the puzzle out. There is something, and you're not quite sure what it is, that niggles at the back of your brain. But you just can't seem to figure it out.

That is, until one day, about a month and a half after the new change in Kate. One of your university friends (Diana), had been in London for a few days, and the two of you had eaten lunch together one day, in order for you to catch up. Afterwards, she had walked with you back to work, chatting together in a way that you only ever seemed to do with Diana. Eventually, the tow of you had found yourselves in front of the Tower, where you had said your goodbyes. 

Diana, whom in university had been one of your only friends, had kissed your cheek when she had said goodbye. You, of course, had thought nothing of it, because it was a very familiar gesture where Diana was concerned (having become a goodbye ritual of the pair of you after a heavily intoxicated night with some French students). You'd stood there and watched her walk away, waving when she looked back over her shoulder, smile firmly in place. 

And then you'd turned, only to find Kate seemingly stood behind you, staring at you, and your smile had grown. You'd noticed almost immediately that her cheeks were stained red, and that she seemed tense. And when you had spoken to her, she had replied in a somewhat choked voice. It had surprised you, because she had seemed both angry and upset. But she'd turned tail and hurried away before you could even think to ask her what on earth was the matter.

From that moment on, she had avoided you like the plague. Whether in a personal sense or a professional one, she had started to act as though you didn't exist. And you couldn't for the life of you work out why that was. If you entered a room, she left it. If the two of you attended the same meeting, she sat on the opposite side of the room and didn't call on you. If you called her, she didn't answer. Suffice it to say, the two of you stopped seeing one another outside of work.  
And it broke your heart slightly, because you had no idea what on earth you could have possibly done. A part of you wondered whether or not she had found out about your feelings for her, but your opinion of her was too high to think so badly of her. Somehow, the two of you had gone from firm friends to Kate not being able to stand the sight of you, and you had to admit that it broke your heart ever so slightly.

You could swear that if you had gone on loving her unrequitedly for the rest of your life (bearing in mind how little success you seemed to have on the whole getting over Kate Stewart front) it would hurt less than her apparent distaste for you now. In fact, you firmly believed that it would hurt a whole lot less. 

Such was the way of things, and so it carried on for week after week. Kate had taken to prowling around the underground base beneath the Tower in an increasingly dire mood, which was most unKate like. Staff took to avoiding her, and it was hard to believe that you were the cause of all of it. But you found yourself certain that you were the cause and that it wasn't merely a correlation, even if you couldn't work out why. Something still niggled in the back of your head, but for perhaps the first time in your life, you found yourself unwilling to pursue the puzzle.

It was a strange business, something altering your mood so much that you no longer found yourself striving to solve a riddle. Especially one as important as this. That something could alter you so much scared you, because your passion for science and solving the intricacies of the world had always been what had driven you. To suddenly find yourself stuck in a rut, lacking the engagement and enthusiasm you loved possessing, over a woman no less, was rather disconcerting.

And so, you had decided to push things on their head. Put an end to all the nonsense and such. One day, a little more than two months after the most unfortunate turn of events (when Kate was becoming more unbearable for the rest of the team every day) and a little more than three and a half months since any alteration had occurred at all, you had resolved to set the world to rights.

At promptly 8.15 AM, approximately ten minutes after Kate would have consumed her morning coffee (confirmed by Kate's somewhat discouraged assistant) you had found yourself entering her office. For a moment, it had almost been like old times. You'd poked your head around the door, tentative but sure smile fixed upon your lips, file firmly clasped in your hand and heart skipping a beat at the sight of Kate, and she's looked pleased, if a little surprised, to see you.

And then her face had fallen into a grimace, almost as if she tasted something foul in the air, and you'd steeled yourself for what was to come. Reminding yourself all the way that, even if you hated the idea of what you were about to do, it would ultimately be best for everyone involved. She'd seen you in with a firm but curt nod, and gestured for you to take a seat opposite her. You'd tried to act casual if serious, pretending that your heart wasn't hammering in your chest even as it broke at the prospect of what you had to do.

Unsure of how to broach the subject, you'd shifted a little nervously in your seat and rearranged your glasses on your face, trying to think of how best to phrase what you needed to say. When Kate's face had shifted into an impatient look, you'd tried not to wince externally (although you weren't quite sure that you'd managed it) as you began what you had come to say.

You explained, plainly but respectfully, how you'd come to tender your resignation, with immediate effect. You thanked her, in a formal manner, for the opportunity that working for UNIT had presented you with, for broadening your horizons and allowing you to help save the world. You tried to explain, without giving too much away, that you thought it would be best for the whole team if you resigned, because you were almost certainly sure that the tense atmosphere in the Tower base these days was your fault.

You explained this to Kate, with a dry throat that felt full of lumps. Even as you spoke, you could feel your eyes swimming, and even to yourself your palms felt clammy. You found yourself hoping against all hope that you managed to leave the office, and hopefully the base, before you broke down completely. Throughout you tendering your resignation, Kate hadn't responded. She hadn't interrupted you (as you know a small part of you had hoped she would), her expression hadn't flickered (as you had thought perhaps it might) and she hadn't seemed to move at all. Almost as if she were carved from stone.

It breaks your heart ever so slightly more, because even after all of this, you had hoped that something of your friendship had remained. She just sits there, staring in an almost blank fashion at you, as though you were making boring small talk that she didn't have the time of day for. And it hurts, more than you had thought possible, to the extent that an involuntary tear rolls down your cheek. You stand abruptly, and thank her for the opportunity once again through a slightly breaking voice (though you are proud of yourself for how steady you remain in that moment) and you place the file on her desk as you turn to leave.

She must have seen your tears, you think, must have heard the crack in your voice as you had turned to leave, and that is how little of your friendship remains. You don't know what quite happened along the way there, but it seems to you that the damage is now irreparable.

You've just reached the certified UNIT exit of the Tower, a walk way that you are distinctly familiar with after all these years (walking along it for perhaps the last time wrenches something in your gut), when you hear hurried footsteps behind you. You turn to find yourself face to face with a somewhat winded Kate, and you are surprised that she seems like the real Kate, rather than the imposter you've been faced with recently. 

She must see the tear tracks on your face, must finally register the sadness in your eyes, because something finally seems to click. Something in her face shifts and changes, until the Kate from recent months is nowhere to be found, and she actually looks like the Kate you know, the Kate that is your friend, once again. Under one arm, clutched to her person rather precariously, is the file that you know holds your resignation.

She steps around you, and you watch, curiosity peaked as she puts it in the bin, before she so much as says two words to you. A part of you goes to protest, but the rest of you is screaming, hope singing in every nerve of your body. Finally, she turns back to you, looking really and truly like Kate once again. And, with tears leaking from the corners of her eyes (something you have only seen happen three times before, in the entirety of your friendship) she pulls you to her.

As a rule, the two of you aren't very touchy feely people. In all the years you have known one another, you could probably keep track of all the times the two of you have hugged, without too much trouble. But this once, Kate hugs you like she can't bear to let go. As if releasing you is beyond her. And perhaps you shouldn't, but you sink into it, even if it feels so far beyond platonic that it terrifies you.

Later, the two of you will talk. She will invite you back to hers for dinner, and after, the two of you will sit on the cream sofa in her living room, and she will finally talk to you. For the first time, perhaps in years, the two of you will be fully open with one another. She will tell you of the despondency a sudden lack of blushing in her presence had caused her, and how she hadn't known how to address it. She will tell you of the raging (and extremely unhealthy and very much misplaced) envy a friendly cheek kiss had left her with. She will tell you of her inability to talk to you about it, and how shutting the world out had seemed like the easier and better option.

In return, you will tell her about how ridiculous your feelings for her had first seemed. So strong when they were unrequited (at which point she will interject, perhaps encouraged by the wine), so unplanned and unreasonable. You will tell her about how you had tried to hide your feelings, and how hard it had been. Until you had accepted them, and stopped trying to rid yourself of them so adamantly.

Later, the two of you will talk late into the night, with a glass of white wine each, in the dimmed lights of Kate's comfortable living room. Later, the two of you will laugh over how ridiculously cliche your moment of reconnecting was. A not-quite-at-a-romance trope that the two of you had seemed to fulfil. Later, you will be the one to joke how all it was missing for it to be romcom worthy was the pouring rain, and the two of you will giggle yourselves into a heap of tangled and tipsy limbs on Kate's sofa. Later, even though all the two of you do that evening is talk, you will find yourselves at the beginning of something terrifying but so very human. And, despite the hurt and the pain and everything else involved in the mess that led to such a situation, both of you will, at some point realise that later was very much worth it.


End file.
